Dear Jen Cohen,
Just wanted to write to thank you for the colossal mess you’ve created at Washington and to offer some neighborly advice.
I admit to being pathetic, enjoying Husky heartache as much as Coug success, and at the Apple Cup this year, we got a whole lotta both.
It’s unbelievable, Jen — you’re usually blowing our doors off, yet there we were blowing yours off last Friday, posting the biggest Washington State win in Apple Cup history.
That must have been hard for you to watch in your athletic director suite, seeing fans from your cross-state rival frolic on your field after the 40-13 victory.
Guessing you were appalled when Jayden de Laura planted the Cougar flag on your purple W at midfield. I know that someday the Dawgs will get payback, and maybe even Sam Huard himself will plant a purple flag on our logo at Martin Stadium in 2024. Yes, that’s right Jen, 2024. You’re not gonna beat us next year or the year after that.
You not only experienced the worst Husky defeat in the 121-year history of the Apple Cup, but we’re also going to post our first three-game winning streak in this rivalry. Good luck disputing that prediction given what we saw in this year’s game: two programs going in opposite directions, one flourishing in the face of adversity, the other continuing to sink to a nearly all-time low.
You know as well as I do, Jen, that the best you can ever do at Washington is tie your all-time worst record of 0-12 in 2008, but I gotta hand it to you, this year’s squad almost did it!
You started well by losing to Montana, and you needed overtime to beat a bad Cal team — and speaking of the not-so-Golden Bears, if you somehow lure supposed candidate Justin Wilcox away from Berkeley and make him your next head coach, good God, Jen, Wazzu and Coug fans will all die from laughter.
Your Dawgs had to scrape and claw in the waning minutes to beat Arizona and Stanford, two of the worst teams in the Pac-12, and your only legitimate victory was over an illegitimate opponent, Arkansas State. Nice scheduling, Jen!
The way you looked in the Apple Cup, I’m guessing Tyrone’s Willingham’s boys from 2008 would have beaten your current collection of Dawgs.
But before I lose you completely — if you haven’t stopped reading already — I want to compliment you for selling beer at your stadium and selling it for half-price until an hour before kickoff. And I might not be a Dawg guy, but I am a dog guy, and I love watching Dubs, your mascot, lead the team onto the field.
Ah, yes, your field, the so-called “Greatest Setting in College Football!” Confession, Jen: I was a Husky fan as a kid, went to the games with my mom, sat in section 7 in the corner of the end zone, loved your team, knew the fight song, all of the above. But you had a team that was fun to watch back then, led by Sonny Sixkiller.
But now? What happened, Jen? Your fans always trot out that proud tradition stuff, as if you guys are somehow better than everyone else. And I always hear about Husky toughness too, but you didn’t look too tough Friday night. Wasn’t your pass defense No. 1 in the country? It appears that had more to do with not facing good quarterbacks than being truly good yourself.
We hit a home run — no, make that a grand slam — with our interim coach, Jake Dickert, who was so terrific after replacing anti-vaxxer Nick Rolovich that he got the permanent job on Saturday. And your interim coach Bob Gregory? I mean, we still love him because he’s a Coug, but what was he thinking starting Huard over Dylan Morris in the Apple Cup?
Even if it had worked out, we all knew that Gregory wasn’t a candidate for your permanent job. After all, you’re the AD at big bad Washington, and I’ll bet you’re like all of the purple-and-goldsters out there, thinking it’s a premier destination for a head football coach.
I get the feeling that you think you can pick and choose who you want to be your next head coach. As if. No offense, Jen, but if I were a candidate, unless you showered me with millions and millions of dollars and guaranteed it all, I don’t know if I’d want the damn job when my AD’s on pretty shaky ground.
It sounds like you’re gonna hire the new guy on Tuesday, but someone will break the news Monday night. Can I make a suggestion? If it’s Fresno State coach Kalen DeBoer, you might want to wait a week or two to make the announcement.
Why? Well, Jen, USC just hired Lincoln Riley away from Oklahoma, and if you’re trying to create excitement around some no-name guy from Fresno State, good luck with that.
Normally, I’d say at least you’ve got a decent basketball season to look forward to, but not so much anymore. Who’d you lose to the other night? Winthrop? And before that? Northern Illinois? Plus your next three games are against Arizona, UCLA and Gonzaga. Might wanna tell some of your projected recruits to watch something else.
I can’t remember when Washington State clearly had better football and basketball programs than Washington, but we’re certainly at that point now.
As I said, Jen, I’m pathetic, a Coug who racks up bad karma left and right. Whenever I get mine, I’ll deserve it. But in the meantime, I’ll sit back and have a cold one and revel in your Montlake madness, highly anticipating your next move.
Sincerely,
Jim
Jim Moore has covered Washington’s sports scene from every angle for multiple news outlets. You can find him on Twitter @cougsgo, and on 950 KJR-AM, where he co-hosts a sports talk show from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. on weekdays.
This story was originally published November 29, 2021 12:42 PM.